Their Fics
by hoyteca
Summary: A series of fanfics written by the characters themselves. Contains Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Power and Courage

By: The_Keeper_of_Wisdom

So there I was, watching from a tree branch as Link approached the temple entrance. He had this magical aura and mystique. He had much to say, but his lips never spoke. He had accomplished much, but only accepted the satisfaction of a well-earned victory as payment. He always walked into a dangerous dungeon and walked out to a slightly safer world. He was the hero and he could have had any woman he wanted.

From the shadows approached a certain man. He was Link's opposite, but also his mirror image. He was Link's foe and the source of his drive. In short, he was Ganondorf. Though he had tried to kill the hero before, there was something different about him today.

It was hard to determine what was different, though. He was still tall, dark, and strong. He was muscular, but not overly so. His skin was flawless and he always walked with a mix of raw power and grace. He was Ganondorf, King of Thieves and so much more.

"Did you come alone?" Ganondorf asked. His aura of power was replaced by an obvious nervousness.

Link nodded.

"Good. Are you ready?"

I was about to jump in and intervene when their intentions became clear. It was so completely unexpected that I almost fell out of the tree.

They kissed. It wasn't the "kiss of death" or a simple peck on the cheek. It was open-mouth with a passionate love reserved solely for those meant to spend the rest of their lives together. It must have been a full ten minutes before they separated.

"Let's call the war off." Ganondorf pleaded, "I know our love is forbidden in your land and a bit too encouraged in mine. Darn those horny desert fan girls. We can fake our deaths and live our lives together in secret."

Link looked at Ganondorf nervously.

"I already have it planned out. I know of a secret place where fish and fruit are plentiful. It's far from any town or cabin. We have to fake our deaths, though. Your people just want me gone and my people won't attack if they believe I took you with me to the afterlife. I can magically create our fake bodies out of meat, animal bone, and plant fibers and leather for clothing."

Link hugged the older warrior.

"We only have to stay apart for another month." Ganondorf told Link as he left, "Then we can spend the rest of our lives together. Just you and me."

The two sadly waved goodbye to one-another. After they were gone, I jumped down and ran to the castle. I only had until sundown to shed my shiekah clothing and return to my proper role as Hyrule's monarch. I can rest easy knowing that my country wasn't saved by the evil king's death, but by his love


	2. Chapter 2

The Tall, Dark, and Handsome Hero

By: The_'Dorf

It was a boring day at the fortress. Don't get me wrong. Being the only male in a fortress full of young, horny, hetero women has its perks, but that's also its biggest drawback. I can't live off of sex forever. I needed some real action. I needed adventure.

So I grabbed my sword and walked into the desert. A sandstorm approached fast. Normally, these storms can sand even the most well-armed person down to the bone and cook their flesh medium-rare. I punched it in what I assumed was its face. Or was that its balls? Breadbasket?

Regardless, I found a group of starving moblins. Being the big ass hero I am, I led them to Hyrule field where they'd have much to eat. The wicked Hylians attacked, so I sent them all flying back to the castle with a single kick. It only took one kick and the shockwave alone sent them flying.

Upset about how Hyrule treats its guests, I marched to Hyrule castle. There, I found the princess. She was miserable. The threat of possible assassination has kept her cooped up in this stone prison for years.

So I rescued her and took her all the way to the fortress. She needs to get some sun in safety.

When I returned to the land that needs so much saving, I noticed Zora's Domain was long overdue for some winter. Order must be restored to the seasons or else the environment will suffer. Trees will die. Animals will perish soon after. People will starve.

I did the responsible thing and brought winter to the winterless. They thanked me with screaming. Fish people are funny.

Seeing that the ocean needed saving too, I built a boat out of a village the Kokiri lived in. They showed their gratitude by throwing hard and pointy gifts at me. I set them all on fire with a giant fireball so that they wouldn't freeze in the coming winter. Even a hero like me doesn't forget about helping the little people.

I met a race of bird people on an island. Learning that they had the opposite problem my people had, I tried to bring their 99% male population to the fortress. When that failed, I left and returned with Ghoma. Ghoma brought them down with shots of web and I helped wrap them up in their cozy cocoons. I took them all to the fortress. That's where I met the Hero of Whatever. He was so grateful for my heroic deeds that when I announced his presence to the whole fortress, he surrendered himself and was subjected to a mandatory orgy with the bird people. They're so much more willing when they're immobilized inside their cocoons.

I had one last piece of business to attend to. Sensing Hyrule's unemployment crisis, I had the moblins institute a work program to help them recover. I believe it's called "slave labor". Now the Hylians have jobs.

Being the greatest hero of all time is tiring work, but it's also rewarding. I freed the bird people from their cocoons and put them in cages like regular birds. Now my people have others to mate with. I can't wait to see the babies. If the bird people are called Ritos, would the babies be Geritos? Desert birds rock


End file.
